I’ve never been one to lie about how I feel. It feels wrong. Lying is wrong. I try to tell the truth when I can, even when it hurts to say or have someone hear it. I would be lying if I said that I was okay or that things are better. I would be lying if I said I didn’t love you anymore. I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t bother me to see you with him. Or that I’ll be fine leaving you for the final time. I’d be telling the biggest lie if I mentioned that I will be happier moving away to never see you again. I would be completely improper to say I won’t be bleeding from my heart and my wounds will heal from everything I’ve experience by being with you. A manufactured truth saying that I’m better off without you. I would be lying if I said that I didn’t love you…or my friends…or the family that you belong to. I’d be pretending something from an unrealistic world filled with everything opposite of what makes us believe actions or words or feelings to be true. I’d make you believe that you haven’t completely destroyed me for who I once was. I’d tell you that we’ll always be friends and nothing could tear us apart. I would tell you that I trust you. If I knew I wasn’t lying.
Every time I see you, my heart bleeds. My stomach can’t handle all of the blood and I choke.
Every time I see your face, my heart skips a beat. The silence between us kills me on the inside and I can’t save myself.
Every time we speak, I am reminded of the times you could remember my name ever increasingly. I wish I could help you remember who I am and who we became.
Every time I know you’re not there, I feel empty and alone. The blankets I hug don’t fill the void now that you’re gone like they used to when we would spend days away.
I now sleep alone with my nightmares during every waking and slumbering second. It possesses my thoughts and heart and feelings.
So fills my stomach with my bleeding heart that chokes my throat. So empty my chest like the bed in which you used to lay. So loud is the silence in the nightmares of the forgotten who wishes for your presence near. So plenty is the pain.
heart beat music - Google’da Ara on We Heart It. https://weheartit.com/entry/76570017/via/alejandra_wright_10
When Will I Tell You…
The things that matter?
How you make me feel?
All of my secrets?
What deep thoughts I think about when I’m alone?
That you matter?
I’m supposed to be getting things done but
I can’t stop thinking about you.